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OCCASIONS · WEDDING VOWS

Wedding vows: how to write yours, and words to borrow

Wedding vows are the promises you say out loud to the person you are marrying. Here is how to write your own, how long they should run, and how traditional marriage vows for a wedding are worded. Below are short lines to borrow, full examples, and a way to seal a letter for your anniversary.

Seal one for later

Open when we've been married ten yearsWrite →Open when it's our first anniversaryWrite →Open when we've had a hard weekWrite →A wedding letter for my husbandWrite →A wedding letter for my wifeWrite →Open on our tenth anniversaryWrite →

Each one opens a blank letter with the moment already on the envelope. No account needed.

An example to start from

Vows to Priya, read at the lake

Priya, I knew on our second date, when you stopped the car to move a turtle off the road and then apologized to it.

I promise to be that kind of person next to you. I promise to stop the car.

I promise to learn how you take your coffee on the days you won't say. I promise to cook, badly at first and then less badly.

You are my person. Today I'm saying it where everyone can hear, so I can't take it back.

I love you. Let's go be old.

Sam
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS
Before the day
Printed cards show only a QR code. The words stay sealed until someone scans it.
Change the date or delete it any time before it opens.
Nothing is public unless you ask.
How privacy works
A bride and groom reading their vows to each other at an outdoor wedding
Photo: Kokyo K on Pexels

How to write wedding vows, step by step

Start about a month before the wedding, not the night before. Vows written in a rush tend to sound like greeting cards. Vows written over a few weeks sound like you.

  • Ask what the ceremony needs. Some officiants and churches want certain words, a set length or a copy ahead of time. Ask first so you do not write around the wrong rules.
  • Decide what the vows are for. Promises (what you will do), memories (what you have seen) or a mix. Most good vows lean on promises.
  • Collect specifics. Write down five small things about them: how they take their coffee, what they do when they are nervous, the moment you knew.
  • Turn each specific into a promise. "You always stop to help strangers" becomes "I promise to stop the car with you."
  • Write one rough draft in a single sitting. Do not edit as you go. Cut anything that could be said about any couple.
  • Read it out loud, standing up. Change whatever you stumble on. Keep whatever makes you laugh or tear up.
  • Print it in a large font and give a spare copy to someone standing close.
EXAMPLE LETTERS

Full letters to borrow from

We wrote these to show what a letter like this can sound like. Borrow a line, then make it yours: the small, true details are what make it land.

Short and plain, for Marcus

Marcus, I'm not good at speeches, so I wrote down what I'm sure of.

I'm sure I want to wake up next to you.

I'm sure I'll be the one who forgets the keys and you'll be the one who finds them.

I promise to be on your side, even when I'm annoyed with you.

That's my vow. It's short because it's true all the way through.

Dana
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

Funny vows to Elena

Elena, I vow to love you in every season, including the one where you rearrange the living room at midnight.

I vow to share the blanket. Mostly.

I vow to laugh at your jokes, even the ones I've heard nine times, and to pretend I didn't see you check the score during our first dance.

I'm marrying you because you make the bad days funny and the good days better.

You can have the last slice. I'll look hurt about it, but it's yours.

Tom
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

A second marriage, to Walter

Walter, I'm sixty-one and I didn't expect to be standing here. I'm glad I was wrong.

I loved someone before you, and I lost him. I don't say that to make anyone sad. I say it because I know what this costs, and I'm choosing it with my eyes open.

I promise to be patient with your stubbornness and with mine. I promise to let your daughters tell me about you, and to listen.

We may not get forever. We get this afternoon and a great many mornings, and I plan to spend them on you.

Ruth
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

Vows to Jamal, in the garden

Jamal, for six years you've been the first person I want to tell when something good happens, and the first person I want when something bad does.

Today I'm promising to keep it that way.

I promise to ask how you are and wait for the real answer. I promise to dance badly in public. I promise to love your mother, who has loved me since the first dinner, and to call her on Sundays.

I'm not afraid of the next fifty years. I'm curious what you'll do with them.

Andre
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To Lin, and to Theo

Lin, I'm marrying you. Theo, I'm also making a promise to you, and I want to say it out loud.

I'm not here to replace anyone. I'm here to show up: for the school pickups, the science fair, the bad dreams and the good pancakes.

Lin, I promise to be your partner in all of it.

Theo, I promise to be someone you can count on, even on the days you'd rather I wasn't.

You both gave me a family. I'll do my best to deserve it.

Carlos
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS
SHORT MESSAGES

Short messages you can use

  1. I choose you today, and I will choose you again on the ordinary Tuesdays.
  2. I promise to be your home, wherever we end up living.
  3. You make me braver than I knew how to be. I will spend my life doing the same for you.
  4. I promise to listen to the long version of your story and to ask what happened next.
  5. Good days, boring days, days when we are both tired: I want all of them, and I want them with you.
  6. I promise to tell you the truth kindly, and to hear it from you the same way.
  7. I will hold your hand in the waiting rooms and on the dance floors.
  8. You are the first person I want to tell everything. I promise to keep it that way.
  9. I do, today and every day after.
  10. You and me, for good.
  11. Here is my hand. It is yours.
  12. I will always come home to you.
  13. I promise to love you through bad haircuts, burnt dinners and every road trip where I insisted I knew the way.
  14. I promise to share the blanket. Mostly.
  15. I vow to say I told you so only when it really counts.
  16. I promise to laugh at your jokes, even the ones I have heard nine times.
  17. I vow to let you have the last slice, and to look hurt about it.
  18. I have done this before, and I know what it costs. I am choosing it again, with my eyes open, because of you.
  19. I am not starting over. I am starting here, with you, and with everything I have learned.
  20. I bring a full life to this marriage: my kids, my history and a very old couch. I promise to make room for you in all of it.
  21. I promise to love your family as my own, and to let them take their time loving me back.
  22. Husband, you are the calmest person I know, and you make me calm. I promise to do the same for you.
  23. You taught me that strong can also be gentle. I promise to remember it, and to say thank you out loud.
  24. I love the man you are in the kitchen at midnight, eating cereal out of the box. I promise to keep the cereal stocked.
  25. Wife, I love how you laugh at your own jokes before you finish telling them. I promise to always let you finish.
  26. You are the best part of every plan I have ever made. I promise to make the rest of them with you.
  27. I promise to say sorry first sometimes, and to forgive faster than I want to.
  28. I will not always get it right. I promise to keep trying, and to keep choosing you.
  29. I promise to keep our table full and our door open.
  30. When you are scared, I will sit next to you. When you are sure, I will cheer for you.
  31. I promise to be on your side when I am annoyed with you, which is the hardest time and the one that counts.
  32. Husband, I am not good at speeches. I am very good at showing up. I promise to keep doing that.

How long should wedding vows be

About one to two minutes out loud is plenty, which is roughly 150 to 250 words. A short vow said slowly lands better than a long one said fast. If you run over two minutes, cut the least specific lines first.

If you and your partner are writing separately, agree on a rough length so one of you is not reading a page and a half beside the other's three lines. Agree, too, on whether the words stay a surprise until the ceremony.

Traditional marriage vows for a wedding

Familiar words are a good choice if you want the ceremony to feel old and steady. You can say them first and add your own after. Wording differs by church, officiant and country, so treat these as common forms and check yours.

  • Christian, from the Book of Common Prayer (1662). "I, N., take thee, N., to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth." The bride's version in that book said "give thee my troth" and also promised to obey, which most couples dropped long ago.
  • Civil, in a form many American officiants use. "I, N., take you, N., to be my lawfully wedded husband [or wife], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part." The exact words vary, so ask your officiant.
  • Jewish. At the ring exchange the groom says, "Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel." Many couples adapt the custom so both partners speak.
  • Hindu. The couple takes seven steps around a sacred fire, and each step carries a promise. Regional and family customs differ.
  • Muslim. The nikah is built on an offer and an acceptance, spoken in front of witnesses. The words and extra customs depend on the family and community.
  • Quaker. There is no officiant. The couple make their promises to each other before the gathered community, in their own words or a traditional form, and the guests sign the certificate.
  • Handfasting. A custom with Celtic roots: cords are wrapped around the couple's joined hands while they speak their promises. There is no single fixed wording.

Funny, short and second-marriage vows

Funny. One joke is enough, then mean the next line. If the room laughs first, your partner will know the serious part is real. Make jokes about habits, never about exes or old arguments.

Short. Three or four promises, each one specific. "I promise to stop the car" says more than "I promise to be kind."

Second marriage. Say that you know what this costs. Name the children or family you are marrying into. Do not compare the new marriage to the old one.

Seal one for later: a letter for your anniversary

Vows are said once, in a room full of people, and then the day moves on. A sealed letter lets you say something quieter that your partner opens later. Write it in the week of the wedding, while it is fresh, then choose how it waits.

  • An Open When letter such as "Open when we've been married ten years." It stays locked until the date you set. You set it to unlock on a date, such as your tenth anniversary.
  • A letter to yourself, locked until the date you pick, such as your first anniversary. Leave an email and we tell you when it unlocks.
  • A wedding letter instead of a card, sealed for the day itself. Your partner's email arrives that morning, or you print a QR code to tuck into a card or gift.

Pick a wax seal color, add a song if you like, and write the words yourself, because Open When never writes the letter for you. It is free and needs no account. Download your own copy of the letter and keep it somewhere you will find it. For ideas on the moment, see Open When letter ideas or anniversary letters.

IF YOU ARE STUCK

Questions that help you start

  • What was the first moment you knew this was the person?
  • What small thing do they do that nobody else notices?
  • What do you promise on the hard days, specifically?
  • What joke do only the two of you understand?
  • What did you not know about love before them?
  • What do you want to be doing together when you are eighty?
  • Which of their habits are you marrying on purpose?
  • What will you do the first time you disagree after the wedding?
  • What do you want them to remember about this day in ten years?
  • What would you say if you only had thirty seconds?

Open When never writes your letter for you. These are only here to get the first line down.

QUESTIONS

Questions people ask

How do I write wedding vows if I am not a writer?
Skip the poetry. Write down five true things about your partner, turn each one into a promise that starts with "I promise to," and read them out loud. Plain and specific beats fancy. A page of promises in your own voice will sound more like you than borrowed lines, and the short lines above are there if one sentence gets stuck.
Do we have to memorize our vows?
No. Most people read from a card or a small notebook, and nobody minds. Print yours in a large font and give a spare copy to someone standing close. If you want to memorize something, learn the first line and the last line, and read the middle.
Are wedding vows and marriage vows the same thing?
People use both phrases for the promises spoken at a wedding. Traditional marriage vows are the set wording a church or officiant uses. Personal wedding vows are the ones you write yourselves. Many couples say the traditional words and then add their own. Ask your officiant what your ceremony needs.
Can I seal wedding vows in a letter to open on our anniversary?
Yes. Write an Open When letter such as "Open when we've been married ten years," pick a wax seal color, and set it to unlock on your anniversary. Send it by email, or give your partner a private link or QR code. You can unseal and edit it any time before it is opened. It is free, with no account.
KEEP READING

More letters like this

A letter instead of a cardRead →Anniversary card messages, and a letter for the next oneRead →Love letters for him, for her, and how to write your ownRead →How to use a wax seal stamp for lettersRead →A letter to your future self: what to write and when to open itRead →
Some promises are worth saying twice: once at the altar and once years later.
Write a wedding letter