Open When
Talk to someone now
UNSENT · LETTERS TO SOMEONE WHO DIED

A short message for your father in heaven, and longer letters

A short message for a father in heaven can be one line or a whole page. Below are short messages, examples of longer letters to a mom, dad, grandparent or friend who died, and ways to begin. Everything here is written by you, in your own voice.

Who is yours to

To DadBeginTo MomBeginTo GrandmaBeginTo GrandpaBeginTo a friend who diedBeginTo someone who diedBegin

Each one opens a blank letter with the moment already on the envelope. No account needed.

What one can sound like

To Dad, on a Sunday

Dad,

I called your number today. I know. I only wanted to hear the voicemail say your name. It was your old voice, the one from before the cough.

Maddie started kindergarten. She has your ears and your habit of saying "well" before she answers a question. I'm trying to do this right. I wanted you to know I'm trying.

Marcus
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS
What happens to it
There's no send button. These letters have no address.
Fold it and keep it on your shelf, where only you can see it.
Or let it go. It's deleted for good.
How privacy works
If you're not safe right now
Free, confidential, any hour. Find a free line where you are.
Sunlight breaking through a white cloud in a blue sky
Photo: sipa on Pixabay

A short message for a father in heaven

A short message is enough. One true line can say what a whole page might try to. Whatever you believe about where he is, the message is yours to say. Here are some to borrow or bend:

  • Dad, I still reach for the phone on Sundays.
  • I wore your jacket to the game. It still smells a little like the garage.
  • I did the thing you taught me with the lawn mower. It worked.
  • I'm sorry for what I didn't say. I hope you knew.
  • The kids asked about you today. I told them about the fish you could never catch.
  • I'm angry that you left. I also miss you.
  • Happy birthday, Dad. I had the cake you liked.
  • I'm okay today. I wanted you to know.
EXAMPLE LETTERS

Letters to borrow from

We wrote these to show what a letter like this can sound like. Borrow a line, then make it yours: the small, true details are what make it land.

To Mom, with your recipe card in my hand

Mom,

I made your chicken and rice and burned the rice, the way you always claimed you did and never did. I read your handwriting on the card. "Cook until done." Until done, Mom. That is not a measurement.

I laughed so hard the neighbor knocked. I'm still laughing, a little, and a little not.

Joy
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To Grandma Rosa, from your oldest

Grandma,

The tomatoes came in. I did what you said and never watered them at night. They're lopsided and sweet, and I ate one over the sink like you used to.

I don't have your hands for the dough. I have your temper, though. Mom says so.

I miss your kitchen, and the radio that was always on in it.

Elena
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To Tyrell, my best friend

Ty,

It's been a year and the group chat is still named after your worst pun. Nobody wants to change it.

Your sister sent me the photo from the lake. You look ridiculous in that hat. I put it on my fridge.

I'm not good at this stuff. You always were. I'll keep trying.

Dre
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To Papa, a short one

Papa,

I got the job. I drove to the lake after, because that's where you'd have taken me for ice cream. I got a small one. I ate it on the hood of the car.

That's all. I just wanted you to know.

Lucia
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To my mother, who I was angry at

Mom,

I'm still angry. I wanted to tell you that. You said things near the end that I haven't forgiven, and I'm not sure I'm supposed to.

I also remember you humming over the dishes. Both are true. I'm letting both be true. I miss you more than I thought I could be mad at someone.

Renee
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

How to write a letter to someone who died

A letter to the deceased works like any other letter, with one difference: you will not get an answer, and you do not need to imagine one. Write only your side.

  • Start with what you called them. Dad, Mom, Nana, Tomás. The name does a lot.
  • Tell them something small about today. The weather, the dog, the song on the radio.
  • Say what you did not get to say. Thank you, sorry, I was scared.
  • Use their details. The sound of their key in the lock, the way they said your name.
  • Let it be mixed. You can be angry and grateful in the same paragraph.
  • End the way you would end a call. "I'll talk to you soon" is a fine last line.

You do not have to be okay. You do not have to believe anything in particular. Writing can help a little, and the letter does not need to do more than that.

Letters to a mom, dad, grandparent or friend

Who the letter is to shapes what goes in it.

  • A letter to my mom in heaven, or my mother in heaven. It can hold the everyday: the recipes, the phone calls, the things you now do the way she did. It can also hold what was hard between you.
  • A letter to my dad in heaven. It can be short, and a few honest lines count.
  • A grandparent. You may be writing for the child you were. Remember the kitchen, the garden, the way they called you in.
  • A friend. The jokes, the old texts you still have, what you would tell them about the year.

Keep it, or let it go

A letter to someone who died has nowhere to be delivered, and that is all right. There is no send button and no address here. You can fold it and keep it on your own shelf on your device, where only you can see it. Or you can let it go, and it is deleted for good. Unsent letters are never public.

If one day you want others in the family to read it, you can turn it into an Open When letter, sealed for a moment you choose. There is no hurry.

If it gets heavy, tell someone you trust. A letter is a small thing to hold something large. For related pages, see goodbye letters and Open When you are sad.

IF YOU ARE STUCK

Questions that help you start

  • What did you call them, and who else called them that?
  • What is something small that happened today that they would have noticed?
  • What do you wish you had said the last time you talked?
  • What do you still do the way they did?
  • What song, smell or place brings them back, and what happens when it does?
  • What are you angry about, and can it sit next to what you miss?
  • What would you tell them about the people they left behind?
  • What would you thank them for, in one specific scene?

Open When never writes your letter for you. These are only here to get the first line down.

QUESTIONS

Questions people ask

What do you write in a letter to someone who died?
Write what you would say if they were in the room: what you call them, a small thing from today, what you did not get to say, and the details only you remember. You can be grateful and angry at once. Write only your side. You do not need to imagine their reply, and you do not need to end neatly.
How short can a message for my father in heaven be?
One line is a whole message. "I miss you, Dad" counts. "I made your coffee this morning" counts. You do not need to find the perfect words, and you can write another tomorrow. If you want to write a longer letter, you can do that whenever you are ready.
Is it okay to write to someone who has died?
Yes. There is no rule about it, and no right way. People write to mothers, fathers, grandparents and friends they have lost, on birthdays and on ordinary Tuesdays. It is a way of saying the things you still have. If it feels heavy, talk to someone you trust as well.
What can I do with a letter to someone who died?
Keep it, let it go, or hold it for later. Here you can fold it and keep it on your own shelf on your device, where only you can see it, or let it go and it is deleted for good. Nobody else can read an unsent letter, and nobody at Open When reads private letters.
KEEP READING

More letters like this

Letters unsent: write the one you cannot sendRead →Goodbye letter: how to say it when you cannot say it out loudRead →Open when you're alone: letters for lonely and sad daysRead →A letter to myself, for a day I have not reached yetRead →
Say it to them, even if the only one who hears it is you.
Write to someone who died