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UNSENT · GOODBYE LETTERS

Goodbye letter: how to say it when you cannot say it out loud

A goodbye letter says what a hug at the door cannot. Below is how to write one for someone you love who is leaving, moving, ending things or dying, from the person staying or the person going, with examples and short messages.

Start a goodbye

To someone who is leavingBeginTo someone I loveBeginTo a friend who is moving awayBeginTo someone who is dyingBeginTo an exBegin

Each one opens a blank letter with the moment already on the envelope. No account needed.

What one can sound like

To Noor, before you fly out

Noor,

Tomorrow you leave and I'm going to be annoying at the airport, so I'm saying it here.

You taught me to be loud in rooms. You taught me to stop apologizing for the bread. I'm proud of you. I'll miss you at the table and in the group chat and in the kitchen at 1 a.m.

Go get the life. I'll be here.

Sam
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
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What happens to it
There's no send button. These letters have no address.
Fold it and keep it on your shelf, where only you can see it.
Or let it go. It's deleted for good.
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A traveler with a suitcase on an empty train platform at dawn
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How to write a goodbye letter

A goodbye letter, or any letter for goodbye, is easier than it looks when you build it from small parts.

  • Say the plain fact first. "You are leaving on Friday and I will miss you." Do not hide it in the third paragraph.
  • Give one real scene. The night you drove around until the gas light came on. One scene says more than ten adjectives.
  • Say what you will miss. The specific things, not "everything".
  • Say thank you for something exact.
  • Say what you hope for them, if you do.
  • End simply. "I love you" or "See you soon", whichever is true.

One page is plenty. You can write a long letter for yourself and a shorter one for them.

EXAMPLE LETTERS

Letters to borrow from

We wrote these to show what a letter like this can sound like. Borrow a line, then make it yours: the small, true details are what make it land.

To the apartment crew, last night

Team,

Last night in 4B. I would like to formally apologize for the smoke detector incident and the thing with the couch on the stairs.

I'm leaving with a mug that isn't mine and a better idea of what friends are. I'm taking the mug. You can keep the smoke detector.

Josh
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To Theo, who I'm ending things with

Theo,

This is a goodbye, and I want it to be a kind one. I don't want to be with you the way you want me to be. I can't keep saying yes to be gentle.

You were my favorite person to cook with. I'll always have that. I'm sorry I'm ending it. I'm not sorry it happened.

Rosa
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To Jess, from the one leaving

Jess,

I leave Sunday. I told everyone "not a big deal," and then I stood in my empty room and cried at a poster.

You were there for the worst year and the best summer. I'm bad at long distance, but I'm going to try. Answer my calls even when I'm boring.

Kofi
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To Grandpa, in the hospital

Grandpa,

I'm sitting next to your bed and you're asleep, so this is the easy version. Thank you for the rowboat. Thank you for teaching me the card game, and for letting me win when I was seven and when I was twenty.

I'll look after Grandma. I'll look after myself. I love you. I'm here.

Ines
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

To Maya and Eli, while I can still hold the pen

Maya, Eli,

I'm writing this at the kitchen table in March, with the pen that never works and a blanket on my knees. I can still hold it, so I'm doing this now.

You were the best thing I did. I'm not scared of everything, but I'm scared of missing the rest. Eat dinner together. Argue about the thermostat. Be kind to your mother. I'm so proud of you both.

Dad
AN EXAMPLE TO BORROW FROM
MAKE IT YOURS

Goodbye letters by situation

The right letter depends on who is going, and why.

  • Someone is leaving or moving. Say you are proud, say you are sad, and say you will call. Do not make them responsible for your feelings.
  • You are leaving. Say what the people there gave you, and what you are taking with you. Name the good small things.
  • You are ending things. A romance or a friendship. Be clear, be kind, and do not rewrite the past. See breakup letters and texts.
  • Someone is dying. Say what they mean to you, say thank you, and say what you will carry. Keep it simple, and do not wait for the perfect version.
  • You are the one who is dying. Write to your people while you can hold the pen. Say what you want them to know, what you are grateful for, and what you hope they do with a good day. They will read it, so be as plain as you would be at the kitchen table.

Touching goodbye messages for someone you love

Short goodbyes for a card, a text or the last line of a letter. Change them to fit.

  • "I'm going to miss you at the other end of the table."
  • "Thank you for every Sunday. I won't forget one."
  • "Go. I'll be fine, and I'll be sad, and both are allowed."
  • "You made this town feel like home. Take a little of it with you."
  • "I wish this wasn't goodbye. I'm glad I got to know you."
  • "Whatever happens, you are loved here."
  • "Call me when you land."
  • "I'll keep your side of the couch warm."

A goodbye letter that makes them cry

Some people search for how to make someone cry in a goodbye letter. Tears are not a technique. The letters that move people are usually not trying to. They are specific. They mention the broken heater, the red scarf, the way someone said "okay" when they meant "no".

If you write for the effect, it shows. If you write what is true, and small, it lands without you pushing. Read it aloud once. Cut the line that sounds like a greeting card. Keep the one that makes your own throat tight.

Keep it, send it, or let it go

A goodbye letter can be handed over, mailed or kept. If it is for you, or if the person cannot read it, you can keep it unsent. Here there is no send button and no address. Fold it and keep it on your own shelf on your device, where only you can see it, or let it go and it is deleted for good. If one day you want it to reach them, you can turn it into an Open When letter.

If the goodbye is for someone who has already died, see letters to someone in heaven.

IF YOU ARE STUCK

Questions that help you start

  • What is the plain fact you have not said out loud yet?
  • What one scene would you want them to remember, if they remembered only one?
  • What will you miss that nobody would guess?
  • What would you thank them for, in a single sentence?
  • What do you hope for them, even if you will not be there?
  • What did they teach you without meaning to?
  • What do you want to be true on the last day you see them?
  • What would you say if you were not afraid of crying?

Open When never writes your letter for you. These are only here to get the first line down.

QUESTIONS

Questions people ask

How do you end a goodbye letter?
End the way you would end the conversation if you could: simply. "I love you," "I'll call you Sunday," "Thank you for all of it." Choose the line that is true. Avoid a big finale. A goodbye letter does not need a moral. It needs the last honest sentence.
How long should a goodbye letter be?
A page is plenty, and a few lines can be enough. Say the plain fact, give one real scene, say what you will miss and what you are grateful for, and stop. A long letter can be a gift if the person wants it, but a short one that is true will do more than a long one that is polite.
What do you write in a goodbye letter to someone who is dying?
Say what they mean to you, say thank you for something specific, and say what you will carry with you. You do not have to say it is over if that is not how the family is talking. Keep the sentences short. Read it aloud to them, or leave it where they can reach it. If you cannot do either, keep it unsent.
Can I write a goodbye letter I never send?
Yes. Here an unsent goodbye letter has no send button and no address. You can fold it and keep it on your own shelf on your device, where only you can see it, or let it go and it is deleted for good. It is free to write, and no account is needed.
KEEP READING

More letters like this

Letters unsent: write the one you cannot sendRead →A short message for your father in heaven, and longer lettersRead →Breaking up on text: when it is fine, and what to sayRead →Open when long distance letters: what to write and when to seal themRead →
Some goodbyes are easier to say on paper.
Write a goodbye letter